Stoner Cookies and Why I'm Okay With Being So Damn Short

Over this last weekend my brother, George, raced yet another Ironman at Panama City Beach and lived to tell the tale. He placed fourth in his age group so many congratulations are in order (and also: what are you trying to prove??)! My parents accompanied him on this journey so my other brother, Beau, and I had free reign of the house, and we (I) spent all of sunday tearing apart the kitchen and then we (Beau) cleaned it all up. All of that just to make these cookies:


You can pretty much already tell it was worth an entire day's effort. These cookies are an adaptation of Peabody's Chubby Hubby Cookies, which she calls "stoner food," hence: Stoner Cookies. I can't call my adaptation "Chubby Hubby Cookies" because they aren't the greatest representation of Ben&Jerry's Chubby Hubby Ice Cream (fun fact: my mom and aunt were friends with Ben and Jerry growing up!) which is "Fudge Covered Peanut Butter Filled Pretzels in Vanilla Malt Ice Cream Rippled with Fudge & Peanut Butter" (that's straight from the website). Why, you ask, are my cookies not the greatest representation of this ice cream? Two reasons. One: my grocery store stocks the plain malted milk powder at the very back of the top shelf, and I am all of five-foot-one which isn't even remotely tall enough to reach that and no tall people were around; the chocolate malted milk powder, however, was right in the front, easily accessible to my short-person hands. I am perfectly alright with this though because the chocolate malted milk cookies were delicious. And two: I couldn't find peanut butter filled pretzels for the life of me so I just bought regular ones.

Chocolate Malted Milk Cookies:

4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup chocolate malted milk powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, malt, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
In a large bowl, beat the butter and sugars together until light and fluffy. Scrape down the bowl and add the eggs, one at a time, beating until each is incorporated. Add the sour cream and vanilla and beat until just incorporated. Add half of the dry ingredients all at once and mix until almost combined. Add the remaining dry ingredients and mix until just incorporated. Cover the dough with saran wrap and stick the bowl in the fridge for at least long enough to watch most of Evil Dead and two episodes of Weeds (these are Stoner Cookies, after all), approximately 2 1/2 hours.
Preheat the oven to 350F and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
Using a cookie scoop or a spoon, scoop about 1 tablespoon of dough at a time. Roll into a ball and place on cookie sheet, keeping about 2 inches of space between each dough ball.
Bake the cookies for 9-12 minutes or until they are slightly browned. (12 minutes for a crispy cookie, 9-10 minutes for a chewy one.) Allow the cookies to cool on the pan for a few minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Peanut Butter Filling:
4 ounces vegetable shortening, at room temperature
3/4 cup natural peanut butter (natural peanut butter is important! the water content is higher or something which keeps the dough from being too dry. you can use Jif like I did if you don't have natural peanut butter, but you'll have to double the amount of pb used)
3 1/4 cups powdered sugar, sifted
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla extract

In a large bowl, beat the shortening and peanut butter until smooth. Add the sugar in three parts, mixing after each addition. Add the salt and vanilla and beat for 10 seconds. The filling should be thick but spreadable. You can add a few drops of water here and there if it’s too thick.
Using a small spoon or a 2-tablespoon cookie scoop, spoon the filling onto the flat side of one cookie. Place another cookie, flat side down, on top and press down slightly so the filling spreads to the edges of the cookie.

Milk Chocolate and Pretzel Coating
12 ounces milk chocolate
2 tablespoons vegetable shortening
12 ounces pretzels (or peanut butter filled pretzels), crushed

In a double boiler, combine chocolate and shortening. Stir until chocolate is completely melted and smooth, then remove top bowl from double boiler. Dip each cookie into the chocolate and immediately roll in crushed pretzels. Place on waxed paper to harden.


Let Klaus quell any doubts you may have about these cookies: